January 16, 2010
HURRY!!!!! only a thousand days of living left
12:18 AM | Posted by
jenniy
Official2012Countdown.com
Once again, we are nearing devastation. December 21, 2012. Doomsday. The end of the world.
But wait! not if you're prepared!! if you think ahead, plan ahead, you can make it through the massive solar storms, super volcanoes, earthquakes, geomagnetic reversal, and the total chaos which ensues. Be ready. Be smart. Be alive.
With my 2012 survival kits available now for $2,012, you can be one of the survivors...responsible for continuing the human race. Act now and you can get your second kit for half price!!
Here's what your kit will include:
1 package of beef jerky (specify original, teriyaki, or peppered)
1 can of yellow corn niblits
1 box graham crackers
3 hershey's bars
1 bag marshmellow minis
1 crank radio
2 oil lamps
1 case oil for lamps
1 pocket video game with extra batteries (specify scrabble, yahtzee, or tetris)
1 super deluxe first aid kit including surgical supplies and nitrous oxide
1 case emergency ration bars
3 lb starburst
5 packages juicy fruit gum
1 water purifier
2 cases bottled water
2 sock puppets
4 packages vegetable seeds
1 biochemical suit w/gas mask (available in hot pink, navy blue, and olive)
1 airline approved personal care set including shampoo, conditioner, body wash, lotion, mouthwash, travel toothbrush, deodorant and lubricant
1 cane fishing pole with hooks, corks, and freeze dried crickets
1 kaleidescope
2 vibrators (specify 6 in or 8 in and either black, white, or blue) or naked pictures of bea arthur
10 packages of AA batteries
1 robe with matching fuzzy slippers
1 2013 page a day cat calendar
1 can hairspray
1 butane lighter
2 flashlights w/extra batteries
1 jar instant coffee (not available in decaf)
1 pair ninja stars
1 book of matches from The Dollhouse
1 2 man tent
1 package yellow rice
1 sleeping bag (disney princesses or toy story designs)
1 swiss army knife
2 cans bug spray
1 tube 55 spf sunscreen
1 fleece blanket
1 ax
1 Indiana jones compass and canteen set
1 solar powered flashlight
3 necessary survival manuels (chosen randomly)
1 eagle knickknack
1 case cup o' noodle soups
1 football or soccer ball
1 bag of pure cane sugar
1 pound of marijuana
1 case pinot noir
1 box chamomile tea
1 container orange tictacs
1 box sparklers
This kit contains everything you need to make it through the coming apocalypse with the exception of a generator, a rain barrel, guns, tools, ammunition, food stores, and condoms. It's strongly suggested you check around the site and see about purchasing those items as well. Remember: Be ready. Be prepared. Be alive.
*disclaimer: none of these items are guaranteed to ensure your safety in a true emergency but they might.
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7 Comments:
SHURIKEN!!!!!!!!!
This past summer, I was put in charge of a floor of just out of Basic Training Students in the Barracks. Call it an even 50 for shits and giggles. Part of the the security measures included the location of fire extinguishers X2 and the first aid kit X1.
more importantly there was a list of forbidden weapons:
knives
guns
crossbows
spears
mace
throwing stars
yaqua blowgun
ax/hatchet
naked pictures of Bea Arthur...eerie.
ninja stars just sounded cooler. i almost included 1 pirate eye patch but... i thought that might not be enough subtle humour
Sooo ummm.... Do fries come with that? :P
As long as I have beer and a good woman, I will be okay! :)
but you'll have pictures of bea arthur and some wine...!
btw...does anyone recognize the movie reference in this post????
Hmmm...Bea Arthur. Old Bea Arthur or young Bea Arthur?
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