January 14, 2010

we're not in kansas anymore




Why does Dorothy seem all in a panic? Because her only options for the Munchkin Ball included a heartless bastard, a moron, and a pussy.

Don't feel too bad, Dorothy. I know what you're going through. Just try sifting through my pof mailbox and you'll get it. Here, why don't we just take a quick peek and see what's new there tonight.

bezeasy writes: a smile 2 keep d day,a hug to keep u 
warm, a kiss to show i care, a rose
to show how much u mean......u are
one beautiful and special being i'd
really wanna know......like to know u
for real

(even in text messages i don't use "u" in place of "you". next)

from 1HONESTGOODGUY4U: what a great and interesting profile! my name is gene and i would like to get to know you. i am a respectful man and a gentleman until i get the ok to be otherwise.i like your age and your looks and the fact you have a son too.mine will be 7 in june.so drop me a line,ok?!

(my age?)

gafighter: I enjoyed your profile. If your interested feel free to hit me back. Dont let the distance freak you. out. LOL. Im about to move to south GA. 

(yay!!! you're moving to the exact place i don't want to be!)

mrme9: I think you are so so cute and I was wondering if i could introduce you to some real sh*tlike our first date. It places both of us I a spot together the newest part of the situation is the whole time we are together we treat each other as though we've been together for a while and the relationship is going good. I see it like this If we can make it threw that and everything is kool we can kick it a lot more

(thank god he didn't want to introduce me to his kids or his mama)

tally_look1: your tats are sexy.....

robbie335: love the tats

raymondoo7: hello

Mr.214: I was wonderin if you have a boyfriend? Well if you don't maybe we can meet up for a drink sometime over the weekend. Here is my yahoo id j****s75@yahoo.com add me if you have a yahoo account so we can chat and get know each other a lil bit better or if you like hit me up on my cell. Well, let's see where this takes us.

(would it really matter if i did have a boyfriend?)

Cherokee Healer: I do hope that you have had a exciting day and that everything went to plan,that you were reminded how lovely you are,and how you make a impact for so many.To know you are beautiful,wonderful,and amazing.I hope you always remember this,feel this,and know you are truly special.Your love for this world,the compassion at heart,the brilliance of the mind,and the aura of the spirit.You are amazing and I just wanted to wish you a lovely evening ahead of you 

(wow. can we say creepy?)

kg45 (like colt 45?): HEY I DONT MEAN ANY DISRESPECT, I SEEN YOUR PROFILE AN UR SMILE CAUGHT MY EYE, NOW I CANT GET U OFF MY MIND, YOU ARE TRULY BEAUTIFUL , HERE IS SOMETHING U CAN WONDER ABOUT , HOW ABOUT I BEND YOU OVER N LICK, NIBBLE, AND SUCK ON YOUR **** FROM THA BACK, READ MY THOUGHTS ON HOW YOUR **** SHOULD BE TREATED. First, I'll see if your clit has become hard enough to peek out of its hood. If so,i'll lick it.Then i'll Bring my tongue up to the top of your slit and feel for your clit. Well, then i'll gently pull your **** lips away and flick my tongue quickly against your clit, your legs will shudder . When I sense you getting up there toward orgasm,i'll make my lips into an O and take your clit into my mouth. I Start to suck gently and while am sucking i'll watch your face for your reaction. Now, if you can handle it, i will suck harder then If your into it, suck even harder.I'll move with your body as you lifts your pelvis into the air with the tension of your rising orgasm.Now heres the most important part of lickin your **** tha part where every man stop to soon but i'll hang on, and keep my hot mouth on your clit while your juices drip all down my lips..................................... MAYBE ONEDAY WE COULD FINISH THIS FACE 2 FACE

(he must have forgot that i totally fell for this the first time. boy, once we got FACE 2 FACE, he really put it to me. time for round 2)

jigaboo72: your pretty

truemen: I WAS CHECKING OUT YOUR PROFILE AND I LIKE WHAT I SEE. SO HALA AT ME. Ya feel me

(hala?)

neiljakusevichl: Climax Ga?? Wish I could b under your tree!! Love Neal 
n******ch@yahoo.com Whats yours???

(what tree? is this some sort of code?)


this is my profile pic:



and in response to it, justfriends23 says: hey, I love the pic of u sniffing ur arm pit. nothing gets me more aroused than an arm pit sniffer. :p

(and i love men that use textspeak and emoticons. no really.)

moneycapone: i bet u taste as gud as u look sexy so do u have a man

(nu-uh. i taste like chicken.)


here's a couple of highlights from my page there....and yet these are still what I'm getting stuck with...

I am 28. I have a 4 old son and I'm divorced. I'm soft spoken but very opinionated. Sometimes my tattoos and confident demeanor intimidate people....but I'm really a sweetheart, a modest one at that--just don't piss me off. I've been known to hold grudges.

....I work full time at a pharmacy as a tech in Thomasville, GA. It has its good and bad days, but I love my day to day interation with the sick and the crazy. It's entertaining and often reminds me how small my problems really are... I recently graduated with my bachelors in criminal justice (with a 4.0 even) and will start grad school soon. The plan is to eventually become a forensic psychologist...work in the field for several years to gain experience, then become a professor and hopefully, begin researching for my own book. I'd also like to work towards redesigning/improving alternatives to incarceration programs and also improving the eligibility processes for participation in said programs. I'm still a ****ing idealist, I suppose...I'm out to make change--like obama except i'm short, white, and have big boobs....

I talk about movies, books, my home life, music, etc then...

****the headline, gentlemen (and i use that term loosely), is surprise me. somewhere in my revelations of little quirks and personal details you must have forgotten that because i keep getting messages asking if i'd like to chat--no originality at all whatsoever. no effort, no drive....give me a reason to want to chat with you, ffs. most everyone i look at here has scarcely anything at all on their profiles and your messages say next to nothing. time is precious, you know... if you really want to talk to me or get to know me, then show me i'm not wasting my time. i don't like to carry conversations--i like to take part in them. i've certainly put quite a bit of effort into letting you all know some things about me. otherwise, don't bother. thanks. oh, and just one more thing: if you have country or redneck or cowboy or some sort of sexual reference as your screenname, you're undoubtedly wasting your time. just because i don't want a tried and true long term relationship doesn't mean i'll **** anything that walks. a girl who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it can still have standards, boys. and this girl...she does have standards. furthermore, just because you either are or think you are attractive, hot, good looking or whatever term you want to use, doesn't mean i owe you a return message. in fact, i don't owe you anything.



so, suggest some rewrites. let's see what you come up with.

5 Comments:

Bag Man said...

Holy crap! Looks like you are starting your forensic psychologist career early! Some of these people are right out of "Silence of the Lambs". Thanks for sharing. As diabolical as they are, they made me laugh. I don't know what that says about me, but what the hell.

wastingawesome said...

ha. i think kg45 has the biggest balls of the bunch. at least he's open to showing your clit a good time...tiny dick I assume?

it took me like 17 hours to figure out pof! man. it's retarded how funny i think that is. At first i just skimmed over it thinking i don't get it...

hey. i WAA. I saw your profile and i thought you were cute and stuff. I can't tell you much about me, but I rock. I'm chubby, but i can probably drink you under the table. I have an almost complete degree in leisure studies, but you know, I wanted to work at Disney Land right away, so I got a nice gig vacuuming out the inside of mickey's head. I uh, drink everyday, and at night too. I like to pass out on my couch, but i don't smoke anymore since i burnt down the last place i lived at. More money for drinks!! maybe we could go for some ginseng tea and you could show me your tatas or something. Hit me up yo!

Creedish said...

don't even act like she wouldn't respond IMMEDIATELY to a message like that. because she would. yessiree.

jenniy said...

i laugh at it too. in fact, i share my password with people just so they can join in the humor.


i would totally respond to that message. you had me at ginseng tea.

Philemon said...

*contacting my lawyer to sue bezeasy for copyright infringement*

Post a Comment

about me. not really.

dear you,

i don't talk about my child or being a mom. i don't talk about my garden. i won't mention my craftiness (often) or how much i save each week with coupons. if you're looking for that sort of thing, you're in the wrong place.

instead, let's abandon the tethers of domestication for a moment and remember what it's like to laugh at vulgarity and the world at large.

xo,

j

talk amongst ourselves


ShoutMix chat widget

Followers

Powered by FeedBurner

Blog Archive

Search This Blog

Contact Us Here

boobietasselsforbuddha
@yahoo.com