Boobie Tassels For Buddha

I'd debated with myself for a bit while the bands played about whether or not to buy an ASG shirt. I like coming home with souvenirs other than bruises on the tops of my feet and on my boobs from getting stomped on and elbowed...I didn't really want to spend the money though because of issues here at home. Still... I fucking cherish my baroness and kylesa shirts bought in the afterglow of seeing them live, so I really couldn't talk myself out of it. After weedeater finished up and torche was setting up, I made my way over to the booth to see what I could get for myself. I stopped to see some Caltrop merchandise even though I already have a tshirt and their full length album. Just as I paused to look a bit, Sam (guitar and vocals) put out one of their EPs. I had it downloaded but didn't actually own it which is somehow better so I asked him what all was on it. He promised it had some good stuff...I sorta knew it did already but I didn't let on and told him I wanted one. I told him, too, that I'd seen them play at the jinx and loved their stuff and had their album and listened to it all the time and told everyone I know how awesome they are....basically, i gushed like a schoolgirl meeting a celebrity which is only sorta embarrassing. He actually remembered me vaguely from myspace messages I'd sent and whatnot which was alright by me. He didn't have any change or enough change for my twenty so he just handed me the cd and told me he'd catch up to me when he found change and took off, I assume, in search of money. Meanwhile I purchased my shirt, got a 5 dollar bill back and took off looking for him. This made things much easier. All the while, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking I better hurry up if I'm going to get a good spot for torche. It's important to do your business and get back or you lose your spot. that's the awful part about going to shows alone. Anyway, I found him or he found me or something to that effect when I made my way back towards the nonstage. I talked to him for a minute about starting a hippie commune to avoid the complication of money...growing vegetables and raising chickens and weaving hemp rugs to sell at roadside stands and flea markets.... Fuck. ok. I even hugged him. and thanked him for the music. It sounds gay, I know...but it's all I know to do to show my appreciation--saying thank you. And I really am appreciative. It's not a lie or some sort of bullshit slutastic come on. I meant it. I still get embarrassed and so I walked away rather quickly to get back up front for torche.

Torche formed in 2004 from some ex members of Floor and some guys from other bands. Some are from Atlanta and some from Miami. There used to be 4 and because of musical differences there are now just 3 and on this night there was a fill in they kept calling Andy. I'm not huge on this band. I like them but it's not like they hit my playlist all the time. I found out pretty quickly that it's just because the production on meanderthal fucking blows or it must blow. i'm not well versed on anything related to anything in the production world but i do know that they sound nothing in person like they do on the album i have downloaded. I'd been down there for about 5 hours at this point or getting close to it. I'd had a good view the entire time and I guess, for that, I'm fortunate. Let me say here that I'm only 5'4, so my visibility is very easily blocked. Just before the band finished setting up, a guy at least a foot taller than me stepped from just beside me to directly in front. directly. in. front. I couldn't see a fucking thing even rising up to the tips of my toes. You can see above that I just barely got this shot extending my arm above his shoulder on my tippy toes to do so. How fucking rude is it to just step in front of the short girl and block her view just because you have a penis and somehow feel you have more rights to be there than she does? Where the fuck is chivalry these days? It doesn't exist in Tallahassee, Florida....not a bit. I let it roll anyway and when the band kicked in, I let the music take me. They started out with a song from Meanderthal, of course, but I couldn't tell you which one because just moments after it started, that enormous fuck in front of me stomped on my foot. I've had a child by emergency cesarean and I've had gallstones and I have 8 tattoos and I know that I have a pretty decent pain threshhold. Okay and well, let's just say I know. This foot stomp brought tears to my eyes and totally fucked up any sort of letting go I had been attempting thus far. I came hurtling back to the world at breakneck speeds. And because this guy and several others get into music in a totally different way than I do....they just kept ruining my whole experience. When they said their last song was coming up and possibly an encore or something, I just walked out. My foot was already swelling and I couldn't do anything but watch the people in front of me to make sure I wouldn't get run into or stomped on or whipped in the face with ratty, sweat soaked hair or elbowed and all that. I don't even care if I missed some awe inspiring, never to be forgotten moment like the Baroness encore I saw back in October. Fuck it. Does this mean I'm getting old?

Maybe you shouldn't answer that question.

Here's some albums. Enjoy.

Not that I know, really, what a shot of heroin feels like. In my imagination though, it's not nearly as good as an epic show. Epic is not exactly the right descriptor here but it's the closest. And it will work.

I left here late, but that's typical and by the time I walked in the front door of the bar, Big Daddy's (what a ridiculous name for the smallest bar I've ever been in), the first band was already playing. I knew them as soon as my eyes adjusted to the dim, just
before dusk light filtering in through the grimy door, the open back door and the smoke...caltrop. my heart surged. i fucking love this band and i had no clue, no idea they were even playing. they hadn't been listed on the bill for the show. this was the best of surprises because truth be told, i'd have been just as excited to see this band if they were the ONLY ones playing as I was about seeing torche, asg, and weedeater all put together. these guys are amazing musicians and they fully love the unique sounds they put out. that's the best isn't it? when the band still loves what they do and it isn't yet about doing it for money? i saw them play in june or july of last year at the jinx in savannah. they left such an impression on me that i've done nothing but talk them up during every music conversation i have had with anyone ever since...so walking into that bar and seeing them on the nonexistent stage, was an incredible moment. i couldn't give my money to the guy at the door fast enough and ended up walking away as soon as he gave me my change...he had to pull me back to put my arm band on while i looked towards the band in awe doing some motions in similar grain to the i have to pee and can't hold it anymore so bouncing from one foot to the other makes me feel better dance. the crowd was sparse at this point because most people think they're too cool to come in early and see the opening bands. (well, fuckers, you miss the good stuff when you do that, just so you know and if you happen to read this blog and were at this show, you probably missed some of the best talent displayed all evening because you're too concerned with how uncool it might be to show up when the shit started. yeah...i'm talking to you, guy who wears too tight pants and flannel and drinks a pbr with the label turned out for everyone to see that you drink shit beer just because every other scene kid in the place drinks shit beer.) I made my way right up the front of the crowd with relative ease and let the music wash over me. this may only be the second time i've seen this band, but both times i've spent with my head upturned, my eyes mostly closed, my hips moving, and a smile on my face taking a moment, occasionally just to watch them do their thing. i can't say enough that if you ever, ever have the chance to see this band live, you should do so. and i will also say that you should buy their album and the next one when it comes out in just a little bit. it doesn't do their live performance justice at all because technology doesn't capture the essence of good music perfectly by any means, but get it anyway. show some love. or buy a shirt. or tell me you can't afford a shirt and i'll buy one for you. truthfully, i'd make these guys apple pie in a june cleaver dress if it made them smile. so yeah, they're from north carolina and there's some other stuff about them i could say but then you might not look them up yourself and i'd get mad about it.

the second band to play was us christmas. i had no idea what to expect really...i youtubed them a couple days before the show, but i'd never listened to any albums or any of that good stuff. when they started setting up, i was kind of confused, i must admit. there were too many drum pieces for just one set, to begin with. and they just kept stacking them up. all in all, there were way too many of them to fit inside the designated 'stage' area. there are two drummers, a violinist, two guitar players--one of whom does vocals, a bass player, and a guy who looked really wasted and played things like bongos and tamborines and some other shit i don't know the name of...that guy in the picture in the front with the weird jacket and that odd almost kokopelli like tattoo on his face that he'll really regret having one day when he runs out of drugs...but even with the oddities, i really liked the band. the music had its own flavor which is rare in any style and especially hard to pick out in small venue like this. i guess that's the only thing that really stands out though...the band's unique sound which really comes mostly from the added elements. in this kind of venue, it was hard to really tell if the two drummer thing added something that couldn't have been achieved with a really balls to the wall highly skilled drummer or if it just looked badass to have two guys sitting up there on drums. You can't really find much about these guys except that they've been together since 2002, are all from North Carolina, and pretty much feel like they do their own thing. Everyone does, but these guys (and girl) succeed.

ASG played next. I really like asg a good bit so this was a great moment. The first song they played was Mourning of the Earth on Low Country, the 2009 split with Black Tusk. If you don't have that album, you should (you can download it on this really badass blog a friend of mine runs...Doomgrinder. you can download a lot of great stuff from his site. comprehensive is an understatement). After that, everything is pretty much a sludgy blur. I leaned against the wall, grinning, and enjoying every screamed word, every distorted riff. My eyes close and I just ride the songs. It's the way music is meant to be enjoyed...to me. I never did get the intense urge some people get to thrash about and run into each other while wearing ear plugs and whipping their hair about in other people's faces. In fact, having to deal with that sort of ruins the experience for me somewhat since I have to come out of my daze and watch out for galloping fat fucks hellbent on elbowing somebody, anybody in the tit. And...with mine usually being the biggest in the room and certainly the biggest near the stage, I am the immediate target. You can buy any album ASG puts out and it's never going to be like seeing them live 5 feet from where you're standing, I can promise that without any sort of misgivings that I'm wrong. If you're into this style of metal, then you live for seeing a band in person...sludge, doom, and stoner metal cannot be captured well on any sort of media source. This isn't pop music we're talking about here... And, if you aren't a fan of this style, you'll leave a show like this with a new addiction if you have a taste for metal at all. Bands like ASG are unstoppable when it comes to reeling you in and making you feel every note played, every drumbeat, every gutteral vocal slice. So, yeah...ASG put out their first album in 2002 and are also from North Carolina.

Weedeater. Fuck. There is a lot that can be said about Weedeater. First things first, they put on a very lively show or did on Sunday. Dixie Dave threw firecrackers into the crowd before they even finished setting up. This did not go well with the natives. By natives, I mean the guy who took money at the back door who obviously thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread since there were girls flirting with him nonstop. Ugly fucker. I'm still not sure why it never occurred to him that said girls were flirting their way into saving that $12 cover for more pbr talls they really didn't need to pound. Just as the door boy made his way over to say something about the firecrackers, dave growls into the microphone, the beginning of god luck and good speed. the guy made his way off in a hurry and i giggled for a good solid 30 seconds over it. i was standing just a few feet from dave in his lovely D.A.R.E. shirt. He crosses his eyes when he growls lyrics into the microphone. He loves that microphone, too...he kinda made out with it. He also blew snot onto the 'stage' barrier at one point which was just odd, but you know...whatever floats your boat. I will say, musically speaking, Weedeater is sludge at it's finest. Heavily distorted and abrasive sounds slowed down in true stoner fashion with southern rock influences that can't be denied...for fuck's sake the band even does a cover of skynard's gimme back my bullets. They're signed to Southern Lord records which carries great names like black cobra and earthride...om and goatsnake. They've been together since 1997 and such. You should maybe check them out. The vocals aren't for everyone but I can't say how many times I've complained about a band's vocals just to have some guy tell me they never listen to a band for the vocals anyway. Just the music. whatever. why not just listen to instrumental bands then? i guess this may be one of those times when having a vagina interferes with my understanding of the issue at hand. damn you, vagina....damn you.

to be continued...i have one band to go and some album downloads for you. check back tomorrow. please.