January 10, 2010
Bipolarschizophrenia Cheeseburger
9:29 PM | Posted by
Anonymous
Okay, so here's the deal...is it possible to want to hate someone so bad, that you literally wake up every morning wishing this was possible, but it just doesn't happen? I mean seriously, life would be immensely easier if you could just hate them. But no, you can't help but still like them, possibly have a bit of love even for them.
You see, in your eyes you spent 1/3 of your life committed to hoping, wanting, anticipating...that things are growing and getting better. Life is complicated, but love is eternal. Unfortunately, reality sinks in, and the fairy tale turns nightmare. The ties unravel, and truth reveals itself.
So the ball is set in motion to end things. After the yelling, the crying, more yelling, more crying, its over.
But life moves on, as do you. Or so you thought. Something inside you is quietly talking to you. You can't quite make out what it's saying, so you ignore it. But it gets louder, loud enough to hear it. It tells you to remember a happy time, a happy moment. Think back to when you truly felt content. This thing is called the past. The past is a part of you that does not want to let go. It refuses to be forgotten.
You try to plea with it..."Please go, please leave me alone. I've moved on, and don't need you anymore." The voice quiets, and you are relieved.
Then it's back again, this time louder than before. "Remember the happiness!"
You try and explain, "I do, but there was much more pain than happiness. Don't you understand?"
The voice responds, "I do understand, but you cannot live in pain forever. It's not fair to yourself to burden what is not yours to burden anymore."
This is the burden I carry. I wear it on my heart, knowing how much it hurts. If only I could just not care, life would be much less of a struggle. If I could just hate, life would not challenge me so.
Is it really to much to ask, to hate, then to love?
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3 Comments:
the ability to hate someone definitely changes the playing field, no? or at least the ability to not care about hurting them....
if you've ever really cared for someone, it's pretty hard to put your own feelings before theirs and just say fuck it. sometimes it's the only way, though, and everybody will probably be better off for it in the end.
Theres really no amnesty in hatred. It is simply passion reformatted. The passion itself is what has to fade. Contempt helps that along, but it usually takes a catalyst of some sort to evaporate whats left of any preoccupation.
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