Boobie Tassels For Buddha

"Come here, I have to talk to you!"

"Alright..."

"Ok, listen...this has to remain confidential. I mean no one can know. Not even God."

"Of course," I say warily. Pharmacy customers can tell you some really disgusting tidbits, but I move to the side of the counter away from everyone else anyway. I figure this has to be more interesting than entering insurance reconciliation payments.

"You know I'm a nurse, an R.N., right?"

"uh-huh." And I do. She's mentioned it before now.

"Anything I tell you is confidential, right? I know it is. You're like my psychiatrist. That's why I like you. I can tell you anything."

This must be good.

"Well, I'm taking care of this older guy who's on chemo, chemotherapy, you know? He met this woman at church a few weeks ago. This morning he asks me if it would be okay...now listen to this...to take half a viagra. Can you believe that?"

We laugh for a minute like schoolgirls after the health teacher says "penis."

"This woman is like 75 and he's got to be 150, I swear." She wrinkles her nose up and glances at one of my coworkers. "I've got to watch what I'm saying around here. They might think I'm a (she lowers her voice to a whisper) prostitute!!"

I laugh because she's right. She's not far off at least. The entire time she's been here Eagle Eye, one of the Bitch Twins, has been watching every move she makes to ensure she isn't shoplifting on the $1 aisle. "They probably would," I say and roll my eyes a bit. A few, most, of my coworkers are pretty uptight and a little snobbish. Their sense of humor is close to nonexistent. "Is the churchlady interested?"

She scoffs. "In his money!! He's a millionare. He won't touch me though. I'd kill him if he did. Half a Viagra...I told him he needed to talk to his doctor. His chemo doctor. I don't know. He's got to be like 150."

"Well, at least he's still got, you know, the desire and all that."

"I better watch him closely. He better not touch me ever. He wouldn't do that. I'm sure he wouldn't. After he told me about it, I had to lock myself in the bathroom. I almost laughed right in his face. God. How old is she?" That last question is whispered as she nods her head toward a coworker of mine who is close to her age.

"53 or 54 maybe..." I whisper back.

"I thought she was like 62! Shit. She's only 2 years older than I am? I'm going to have to go to church after that," she giggles. "Do you think I should get highlights in my hair or would that be silly?"

"I think you should. I mean, look at my hair." I untuck my bangs from behind my ear. "It's like 3 different colors."

She looks over my labcoat at all my shiny flair. "I'm going to get some buttons like yours and a white jacket with my name and R.N. on it. I'll get a button that says, Jenniy's sister."

"You should," I say as the movie poster for Single White Female flashes through my head.

We laugh and her phone rings just as I'm asking if she's gotten a chance to read a book I let her borrow. The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga.

"Hello? Hey. Hey, no. I'm talking to my girlfriend. Can I call you back? Yeah, I'll call you back." She hangs up the phone. "Do what now, sugar?" she says to me...

"Have you gotten to read that book yet?"

"God yes. I'm almost done then I'm gonna read it again. You know how you pick things up the second time around that you've missed?"

"Yeah, I'm guilty of skimming through some parts when I'm reading."

"Me, too!! I think all good readers do. I love to read. I get up, go to work, and go home to read. I'm going to let my boyfriend read it. He is so fucking fine. And it's the best sex I've ever had. I can't let any of these other people hear me. God. They're nosy but you know all about that...I don't have to tell you a thing."

"Yes, yes I do."

She lowers her voice to barely above a whisper. "We should get together for coffee soon. Call me. You've got my number still, right?"

"Right here in my labcoat pocket, yeah. And we do. It'll be fun."

"I need someone I can talk to about things."

"Yeah, I get that. Most people around here probably don't get your sense of humor."

"Shit. No. I swear I'm going to quit saying those words tomorrow." She tosses that statement towards my coworkers in a louder voice. "But you do. That's why I had to come tell you about the old man. I figured you'd get a laugh. 150 and asking for half a viagra. On chemo. I think it's all in his head. Or at least I would hope. I've got to get out of here before I get you in trouble not that you'd get fired or anything. You're needed up here."

She turns to walk off and looks back over her shoulder. "See you in church, girl!!"