February 21, 2010

Cuckolded Monkey or I'll brain fuck you then paint you with cum

JF: Watching ufc in a bar
JM: Who's gettin killed?
JF: No one yet but wandelei silva is fighting tonight and if he were able to speak english I would marry him. Ok ill still marry him and have an affair with you ok?
JM: That's cool so long as he buys you shit and we get hella drunk
JF: Oh yeah baby spreadin the wealth
JM: Ill let ya. You'll get tired of him and take him for half subsequently allowing you the means to buy a pool and put me on staff. I did 1 situp just now in preparation
JF: Ok then. But what if he decides to take english classes n writes me poems?
JM: Ill write short stories in french and build you a pool bar with a parasol
JF: A parasol? Oh win win win
JM: No doubt baby. I likes my skin alabaster
JF: Sigh. Good word choice. I doubt english classes could teach my monkey man how to use such lovely prose
JM: Monkey hubby
JM: If I wanted you to be truly happy, I could coach him in a cyrano kind of way
JF: It just depends on who has the bigger banana
JM: According to ads on my fave websites I'm only 2 weeks away from a win (assuming it's not already the case)
JM: Question is: is it worth the investment?
JF: Who's investing?
JM: Technically it's me. But thanks to my incredible foresight, I've been siphoning 1% of all the tips you leave as you pay for our trysts
JF: You aren't cheap
JM: Monkey hubby has no idea, but you have your doubts, so you tip bigger
JM: I don't come cheap either
JF: He's getting me a huge ring you know
JF: I don't speak portuguese tho
JF: So I can't express that I don't give a shit
JM: Portuguese is the language of the devil. It explains nelly furtado's success
JM: Big ring = big sex toy
JF: If I fuck wandelei silva, you can get an autograph from my cunt
JM: Just get the biggest possible to make up for my 2 week shortcomings
JM: Block letters or calligraphy? bet it'll just be a big blot
JF: But a fine smelling one
JM: Yeah. I'll smell your cum autograph. But what are you gonna sign?
JF: Thanks for spinning me, love j
JF: It started there and sort of worked its way all over. So my cunt will sign for the whole
JM: I'll wear yellow plastic dishwashing gloves. Sounds like it could be a scene
JF: Better get a hat too
JM: I'm bringing my safari hat
JF: Um
JM: Only the most astute will put that together. I'll don my fisherman's boots and a hot pink rain slicker
JF: Its not a jungle you know
JF: And no beasts to speak of
JM: I'm an african safari fisherman. My impression is that you're some kind of beast and I'm gonna hook that peachfish
JF: Oooooooooo literary reference
JM: And when I do I'll be fucking you on a spread tarp with you doused under a gallon of oil
JF: No bombs
JF: My hair isn't red you know
JM: Its a hybrid porn-lit ref.
JM: Prove it. You're a dye job on legs
JF: It adds to my mystery
JM: You're mysterious? I thought you just lied to everyone so they wouldn't find out how often you listen to your billy joel albums.
JF: Huey lewis
JF: Fuck
JF: Its huey lewis
JM: Everyone loves the news. Wait. I may have made an impact. Still I wonder how I can find out if you're truly a redhead
JM: I've seen frecks, but those could be herrings, not a guarantee
JF: I have no idea what the real color is
JF: Freckles come from my irish background
JF: That's how come I've had a beer and 2 double shots of tequila and can still type
JF: Without a fuckup
JM: Well then. It really is the most logical thing for me to simply assume you are a redhead and that you shun potatoes in an effort to deny your heritage
JM: Are insinuating I can't?
JF: 2 beers and you're spelling like a grade school dropout
JM: The fact that I dropped out in grade four due to my incredible scholastic boredom and wrote my first collection of rehab memories as haiku has nothing to do with my key mashing
JF: Good dream
JM: My large thumbs are useful for prying things apart and also for throwing into pouty lipped mouths
JF: Pouty? Pouty? Fuck. Wandelei says something way hotter in portuguese which means sultry
JF: SULTRY
JM: How would you know? You can't speak it. And yeah, I know, babelfish could never be wrong!
JF: Googletranslations
JM: Pouty for sure as I stand in a doorway listening to you begging me to stay
JF: Google has a monopoly on the world
JM: Those two nerds are slightly smarter than me, but I fuck way less hookers
JF: Well he won't be back for a few days. He issss fighting tonight
JF: Shoyuldnt you stay?
JF: Fuck
JM: That's a big Y
JF: My first typo ever
JM: Ever? Fucking revisionist
JM: Ill stay cuz you're human
JF: And my panties are stylish
JM: And regardless of the adjective I use for your lips, you know where they belong
JF: Shhhh
JM: Lace or some trendy shit some hack designer saw in a 1970's norwegian graphic design coffee table book and decided no one would remember?
JF: Lace thongs. Two toned. Pink and purple
JF: 80s style totally
JM: Sounds made up
JM: I'd buy it if I was blind
JF: The rest of my outfit-black and white
JM: Monochromatic on the outside and a miami club marquee underneath? Another mullet pour moi?
JF: I'm subtle
JM: Like kale. That's some awesome ruffage
JF: Subtle yet distinct
JM: Quite. I imagine you don't need too much in the way of sartorial trappings to stand out in your environment

2 Comments:

jenniy said...

he says to me:

aqueles lábios sensuais, coelho.

wastingawesome said...

vraiment? il t'appele son petit lapin? on dirait qu'il a un talent avec les beaux mots. c'est vrai que tu es sensuelle, et je te flatterai non seulement avec mes mots, mais avec mes mains aussi. le singe et le lapin blanc. Je me presente. je suis l'ours.

Post a Comment

about me. not really.

dear you,

i don't talk about my child or being a mom. i don't talk about my garden. i won't mention my craftiness (often) or how much i save each week with coupons. if you're looking for that sort of thing, you're in the wrong place.

instead, let's abandon the tethers of domestication for a moment and remember what it's like to laugh at vulgarity and the world at large.

xo,

j

talk amongst ourselves


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