Boobie Tassels For Buddha

...my dog is a spoiled preening fucking princess.

The couch is his domain. This is understood. A cover is kept on it because of the hair.

He enjoys getting his nose in the cushions, causing the cover to come off. It is at this point that he gets off the couch and refuses to get back on until it is fixed.

So he messes it up the other day, knowing I am watching football. He gets off and turns around and just stares at it.

I ignore him.

He just stares...and now whines a little.

I ignore him. Football is on.

He comes over and sticks his snout under my hand to lift it up, probably assuming I'm asleep since I haven't jumped up to fix the cover for his higness.

I shove his head away and tell him to fuck off. (yes, I told my dog to fuck off)

Back to staring for awhile.

Then, finally, he seems to give up. He goes over and gets one of his toys, a stuffed squeaky duck, and proceeds to chomp and shake it in front of my chair. He shakes and shakes and lets go and whips it right into my face.

Son of a bitch.

I whip the duck back at him and stomp over and fix the couch. He moseys on over to it, and before hopping up on it looks back at me with an "It's about time motherfucker" look on his face.

Dog will get punched in the face one of these days.