Boobie Tassels For Buddha

Think it's hard finding someone, how about losing that someone? Breaking up and losing a relationship can be hard. Even when it's a good thing, it can still leave a scar or wound that needs healing. We've been through it enough times to gain the battle scars. If not, then heck you have a long road ahead of you. Here are the stages we go through and might help you recognize where you are and how far you've got to reach the end of that break up:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "Gosh, s/he'll get me over him/her faster.";"I just need a replacement."
   Denial is a pain to loved ones and friends. We all know you need to shower up and stop watching reruns of the Golden Girls. This can lead to rebound lays and possible shady rashes in our private areas. Take it slow. Realize that it's over and no matter how many faceless bodies you feel at night won't get him/her out of your mind quicker.
2. Anger — "Why won't s/he love me? It's not fair!"; "How can they do that to me?"; "S/He is going out with who?"
   This stage leaves you with no friends and loved ones. Sulking and steaming about everything and the kitchen sink(which could be overflowing by now). You envy romance movies, kick the dog for loving you(shame on you by the way), and the opposite sex just sickens you. Not their fault. Leave them be. Your just digging that hole that will leave you isolated and even more pissed off. So what they shacked up with your best friend or neighbor down the street? You keyed their car cause they were out at your favorite bar? Come on a Louisville slugger to the windshield seems like fun at the time, but not smart. The major problem makers are those that are super charismatic and full of energy. They leave a wake of destruction and broken furniture. Gets you to know cops on a first name basis with the phone arguments and restraining orders. This stage makes me a sad Teddy.
   
3. Bargaining — "Come back for the kids."; "I'll do anything to have you back."; "I'll do it if you'll sleep with me"
   There's nothing sadder in life than a person begging for a second chance. I know I'll get flak for this, but come on. The relationship ended and your coming back for seconds and with the added abuse from the previous two steps. Have a lot of work ahead of you if you can pull out a second chance. It does happen and boy it leaves you on the lower end of the totem pole when you do. You have to work through all the previous problems plus the ones you added to the mix with your shenanigans you pulled during the earlier stages. Lots of make up. I have seen mature people pull it off, but requires a ton of work. Lazy people should not reapply.
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm single . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my , why go on?"
   Remember all those people you pissed away during stage two? Start kissing some asses cause this is where you'll need them the most. This is the absolute down you'll be. Nothing is doing it for you no more. The porn addiction you racked up on the blockbuster super savers account isn't paying off. The dating websites leave you less and less responses every night. That casual screw buddy you have isn't even calling anymore. Hell, even your beer is starting to taste stale. The thought of your ex or seeing them happy just leaves you looking like someone pissed in your corn flakes. Don't worry your true friends will be there to help you through. Even that dog will come back to lick your face a few times. Words of encouragement are a must and maybe some me time. Get new hobbies, friends(if they don't come back), and new adventures. Hey even get your Indiana Jones on, it'll do you some good.
   
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't get him/her back, I may as well get over it."
   Parades are forming in the streets and the brass bands are blaring the Saints Come Marching In. You've done it! You made it through the break up and ready for another round of fun in the sun. Prolly even have that special someone picked out or a few someones who knows.... I don't judge. You are well on your way to happiness now. You've come a long way through all the previous stages and boy was that a ride. Now you got your ticket to the next one and who knows this might be your last. I and many close to you have faith you'll accomplish whatever goals you have set forth.

So there you have it. The stages we all go through. We all go through them faster or slower than others. So if your still in stage one or two after a few years heck don't worry there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep plugging away and you'll get through it. Heck you can even skip a few stages and not even know it or relapse and start all over with a fresh cut. That's where the fun is in this little game we call dating. We all know the rules, we all play out the same way, just how we end up at the end of it all separates each and every one of us.