Boobie Tassels For Buddha

ok. i like the hip hop. don't get me wrong. i let my 23 yr old friends appreciate eminem, young jeezy and those fucking...i don't know... say, luda. what's he done in forever?

when i was 9 an album dropped that would change my life. Some of you might not even have been alive then...or at least you were still chewing on pureed bananas or cheerios or whatever you eat when you cut a tooth (that's you Josh). that album was License to Ill. the providers were the Beastie Boys.

here's the law. everyone who loves music must at least be familiar. you know who they are. you've heard songs from this album, at minimum. if however you have never owned this album...on tape, vinyl, cd or all digital...well i don't fucking know what to say to you.

when took a car trip to masseena NY to kick american ass at a baseball tourney (3homers/1GS...suck it) when i was 10, i listened to it.
when i called girls up in middle school to go watch a movie and make out, i listened to it.
First smoke,
first drink,
first tit grab
first stolen car ride
13th birthday party
cartag
smoke
that time i was gonna go down on this girl and, just in time, thought better of it and told her that girls was the coolest song ever
smoke
smoke
smoke
highschool shit-punk band (awesome cover of Eagles Hotel California!)
first job
all through university
self mixed wedding soundtrack
fuck, any party i ever had
you get the idea

obviously, occasional obsession issues. so. these are the original demos from the album. lovingly referred to as Original Ill.

the tracks I'm Down, Scenario, Fight For Your Right #2 are on this album but it's missing Slow Ride which i just enjoy too much not to share.

the chances of finding die hard beastie fans here are remote, but i wager everyone remembers a time when a track off this album was playin in the background and they got stoked.

Enjoy

Learn

if you ain't down, well, hey fuck you.

a stupid asshole who isn't even pretty enough to make up for being such a stupid asshole.



Recently, this fellow who played the role of Captain Kirk in the Star Trek remake, was interviewed by Cosmopolitan. Here's his list of 10 things guys wish women knew.....and my thoughts of each in between.


Approaching girls in bars terrifies us. It sort of feels like a no-win situation. Like, we know we’re already paddling upstream because she assumes, ‘Oh, he thinks I’m cute. I win.’ And where does that leave us?

Captain Kirk, you are a retard if you think going up to a girl in a bar is a no-win situation. In fact, you are a fucking pussy. We have not so subtle ways of letting you know we, at the very least, think you're hot. It's really not rocket science... I, for one, would never think, "oh, he thinks I'm cute. I win." I would be really flattered and I would also think the show of having dropped balls is pretty hot. If I'm having a good time with friends, don't be a douchebag and interrupt me unless you're on your way out the door and you're leaving your number. Speak clearly and say something clever. "hey, nice tits" isn't clever. Flash us a charming smile and that's about it. Even a monkey could get this right.... So...you just sit over there at your table with your friends because not approaching just means you don't get laid (not that I think Chris Pine has much trouble with this. Even the ugliest, stupidest people get plenty of ass after they're in the movies.)

Wow, you look so skinny!’ is not a compliment. Having a good body means actually having something there.

What kind of girls are you talking to that use such phrases? Perhaps you shouldn't be telling "women" what men want them to know. Maybe you should spend more time looking for different women. Who says, "wow you look so skinny!"? That just sounds ridiculous. "Wow, you look so good!" might be something I'd say instead. Unless I'm being a cunt... then it might be "Do you have a meth problem or something? You're starting to look a little, uh, sunken in."

No matter how big we are—and, yes, I’m referring to that area—it’s best to assume we have a Napoleon complex. We’d love it if you threw in a ‘Damn, that’s huge!’ every now and then.

A simple "oh, wow.." should suffice, you know. This covers our asses so we really aren't lying. We might be thinking 'oh wow i was really hoping you'd be bigger' or perhaps, hopefully, please god we really are thinking 'oh wow i just hit the jackpot. you are huge.' Either way, oh wow works and as long as we say it with our eyes really wide and throw in a little expression of surprise, you'll take it as a compliment and we'll continue on. But seriously now, a guy with a small dick knows he has a small dick and he's not going to appreciate the lying. No one wants to be lied to... how about a compliment on your oral skills or something instead?

’My God!’ ‘I don’t know if I can hold that thing!’ and ‘Baby, I don’t have three hands!’ all work pretty well too.

I guess this is just an attempt at humor. ha. no really...I'm totally laughing.

A man becomes a mama’s boy any time he’s sick. And any time he’s really hungry.

Well, this is perfectly fine with me. Your mama can certainly put up with your whiny ass while you're sick and she can be sure to cook for you, too. With that being said, if you'd like me to dress up like a nurse and give you a spongebath or watch me cook you a meal while wearing an apron and nothing else, you better fucking grow up.

Dirty texts are amazing.

On this we actually agree...but it takes two to tango. If you can't give it back, expect the girl to lose interest pretty quickly. If you aren't good at it...that's ok. Just get better with practice. On this front, I think I'm probably different than a lot of women as far as what I like and say and will send, so I'll just leave it at that.

We’re absolutely scared shitless of your wrath.

Yeah sure. I think it's more likely that you really don't want to deal with our wrath. That's why so many of you lie about the most ridiculous, trivial bullshit. Once again though, Chris, I think you're dating the wrong women. I have no wrath unless you reaaaaalllly piss me off and it takes a lot to get to that point. Be fair and be honest and there's no wrath to be had.

We hate it when you say ‘I don’t know. What do you want to do?’ Guys have to do most of the heavy lifting in terms of inviting and picking the perfect place to go to dinner. Give us a break once in a while and decide what to do on a date. We’re still going to end up driving.

Yeah and we hate it everytime you sigh when we do choose a place or get your undies in a wad. No matter how much you have in common, you're still vastly different, so isn't it better to say, "um, I don't care really. What's good for you?" and then discuss some options instead of one person making a decision that the other party hates? None of these things make any sense to me.

A white wife-beater tank top, tight jeans, and a pair of heels drive us nuts. A black bra and you’re asking for trouble.

oh, for fuck's sake... this is just the most ridiculous, trashy shit I've ever heard. I bet you like to see the thong sticking out of the top of the jeans when she bends over, too, huh? How about a nice skirt with knee high boots? or a figure fitting dress? or just your shirt and nothing else? so many options and this is the best you can come up with? fail.

When we're having a guys' night out, we're really not doing much of anything at all. We basically just put each other down, then laugh at each other, then put each other down...

well, I hope you have fun with that. Sounds like good times.