Boobie Tassels For Buddha

If I had known you'd turn out like this, I never would have named you what I did.

I'm not exactly sure what that means but I sort of laughed anyway when my mother said this to me. I don't know what images the name Jenni/Jenny/Jenniy or Jennifer inspires but apparently the Jenniy that I portray doesn't exactly mesh with whatever my mother had in mind when she chose the name.

In my head, I went over the list of me items wondering just which ones offend the name so much. Is it being a single mom working and going to school and handling it on my own? Is it my recent college graduation (with a 4.0 I might add)...as in am I too smart for the name? Her tone of voice surely didn't make it seem like a positive thing. Could it be that I'm divorced? Not sensible considering she is too. Is it the fact that I've never really been in trouble or my independence or my bluntness?

I'm a beautiful little tattooed, gum chewing freak (movie reference). Sinead O'Rebellion. Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior. That's the problem. My style--hair and clothes and makeup, my tattoos, my choice in music all violates the name I carry. My frankness, my free spirited nature, my lack of care for what the rest of the world thinks of me, my enjoyment of wine and whiskey and other mind altering substances, my disinterest in keeping my house spotless, and my love of fucking are apparently all wrong for my name. I think it's a little too late though to start changing the very essence of my being to suit the moniker I've been stuck with since birth, though. So, perhaps it's time for a name change.

Which begs me to ask the question... what are Jennifers supposed to be like?

And also, what sort of name should a Freak Like Me be signing autographs with???

PAM???

I'm willing to take suggestions.


Also, I often feel like I'd have fit in just fine with these characters especially since I would have let Daniel (james franco) and Ken (Seth Rogen) double team me every chance I got... and okay, if I were stoned, I would have let Nick (Jason Segel) and probably Kim (Busy Phillips) join in. Okay so maybe every now and then I wouldn't have to be stoned for that. I'm an honest girl.




Freaks and Geeks