Boobie Tassels For Buddha

I am, like most other people, a whole fantastical list of adjectives and descriptive phrases, positive and negative, which even in summation fails to even break the surface of the whole. I am fair skinned. short. freckled. very ticklish. I'm a mom. An avid reader. One of those people who can't whistle or roll their rr's even after their spanish speaking boytoy tried his best to instruct on this matter back when they were 18. I am dorky and sarcastic and near sided. I breathe music. I have a crooked smile. I'm honest. Sometimes too honest. I am always late and procrastinate. Fuck do I. I'm a daughter, a sister, and the coolest of aunts. A shower singer and skirt n heels wearer. A speeder, a tattooed, gum chewing liberal. A dreamer. I fancy myself a writer. I'm green eyed but not with envy and a Georgia accented pharmacy technician. I am also a grad student.

Grad school. Grad fucking school. I have this whole plan laid out that says I am smart, driven, goal oriented and motivated. I have a bachelor of science in criminal justice and am working on my master's in clinical psychology. So. The Big Plan. After I have my master's, I'd like to work in a state hospital on the forensic unit while I continue school to get a docorate and get licensed. The ultimate goal with the degree is to design and improve alternatives to incarceration programs which focus on rehabilitating nonviolent offenders instead of throwing them inside a prison cell to learn some better tricks of the trade. I also intend to rework the types of risk assessments used to determine which offenders are eligible and would benefit best from said alternative programs. I'm passionate on the subject. Soap-boxy even. In a nutshell, without sounding preachy, I think the criminal justice system is fucked, flawed beyond the comprehension of the general public, and if these types of programs are utilized more, we could see some improvement in budget restraints which tend to let violent criminals back onto the streets earlier as well as a drop in crime rates altogether. I want to make change...like Obama except I'm short, white, and have huge tits.

But, here's the thing...I'm in school. I am in all kinds of school loan debt. I'm going through the motions and I am HONESTLY passion filled to the brim on the subject matter. However, I still, fuck still, think of this as my fall back plan.

What's that?

oh.

What's my for real plan?

um...

well...

I WANNA DANCE!!! (movie reference and for the love of the god i don't believe in, someone better get it)

Kidding. I want to own my own bar and write novels. That's it. That's pretty much all I have except for some ideas I have about what sort of goings on I'd like to have at the bar. Live music and all that. It's a huge difference from the well thought out, goal oriented, society benefiting deal from above. But, that's me. Some days I wear slacks, a nice pinstripe blouse, and a blazer to work paired with chuck taylors on my feet. I am, in so many ways, a big fucking contradiction. It's evident in everything I do when you're looking for the clues.

Why a bar? I dunno. I like alcohol? I mean, I do, but that's not it. This past year I took a 5 hour trek to Savannah to see 2 of my favorite bands play live at this awesome little bar on Congress Ave called The Jinx. Baroness and Kylesa. Both had started playing there at that bar, but it was Baroness' 2nd full length album release event. During their encore, Baizley, vocals and guitar, got pretty choked up talking about getting their start right there at the Jinx. I want to be a part of that.

And writing novels? I guess that should be obvious. I have a lot to say, I suppose.

So, if you have some ideas to raise funds in support of opening said bar, I will gladly give you a free "drinks for life" coupons to share with your co-conspirators.